Monday, July 27, 2009


This is obviously my first post in quite some time. I think I may try for more frequent, smaller posts in order to not be the guy failing to provide any updates or amusement to the 4 (-ish) people that quasi-follow it. I just figured out that I can now post via the iPhone, so that's a bonus. I'll see if I can work that into parts of my pretty boring existence.

OK, so here are a couple of short story / factoids for someone's amusement. Both are evidence that my nerd factor is higher than I want to accept.

Last week I wrote code in an email that would randomly select a restaurant for lunch to a friend of mine on the west coast. He originally wrote me to see if I had an old program that he thought we had at work that would select a restaurant from a list, and could take into account how much each restaurant was enjoyed by different people and how long it had been since our last visit. In reality this program didn't really exist in that much detail and glory, so I just wrote him a simple one to take care of it. Turns out he didn't really want the simple one, but I didn't know that at the time.

The real nerd in me came out today on the way to lunch. The guys I was eating with were talking about some insane fantasy books where there were parallel dimensions that all contained some variation of earth. One earth was technology-based and the other one was magic-based, or so I'm told. There were strange expeditions going on throughout these universes, and apparently the expedition teams were fighting a war between one another. I seem to remember some details about one universe gaining computers from another universe, but they were unable to maintain them. As the computers were slowing failing due to age the society used the last remaining ones to genetically engineer dragons that could be used to fix the computers, or some shit such as that. I don't really remember what was going on, but it was wild. Anyway, my friend was explaining all of this stuff, and he points out that there were different types of dragons - some could breathe fire, others could shoot lightning, and there was some 3rd power I can't remember. Anyway, he was explaining how the different types of dragons were used for different combat. He said that actually the lightning dragons were used to attack other flying dragons, in a strange sort of aerial combat. My response - "That's stupid. You can't shoot something with lightning that isn't grounded. No current would pass through the dragon."

This may explain why I don't read books like this. Apparently I had suspended all of my disbelief except the part dealing with electron movement.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Unloading some Thoughts

Thought #1 - StubHub is no friend of mine

Well, there's been a complication with the Busch Stadium outing. The most important thing is that we still have all 14 tickets. The unfortunate problem is that we have 2 groups of tickets on opposite sides of the stadium. Grrrrr......

Long story (LLLLLOOONNNNGGGG) short, guy that sold me 8 tickets switched them from the ones I ordered. They are of equal value, just a different section. Since I did not download the tickets and verify the tickets were correct within 7 days, I am not covered by the 'fan protection guarantee'. Call me old-fashioned, but I think that the time limit on this fancy guarantee would be an important fact to include in the email that gives the link to download the tickets. SECONDLY, this time limit should be well-understood by the first three stubhub customer service reps that I talked to (it's not. they said I would be fine.). And THIRDLY, the 1st three customer service reps were a combined 0 for 3 in following through to call me back as they all promised. There was steam coming out of my ears when the forth phone call basically said 'sorry, you are out of luck'. After 20 minutes waiting to talk to a supervisor, the original girl got back on the line and gave my the stubhub buyer's fee back ($50). I never did talk to a supervisor.

Thought #2 - Inventor's Corner

I'm an unlikely source, but I did manage to invent the next generation of newborn baby carseats. The prototype is pending.....pending my master's degree, pending a slower work schedule, pending less traveling, pending a lot of things. But here's the idea - channels that would rotate the baby in the event of a rear-end collision to allow the force to be perpendicular to the baby's spinal column. It's genius! That's why babies have to face backwards now, so that head-on collisions (likely to be a more powerful collision) lead to a force that is more perpendicular, right? But a rear-end collision at highway speeds is still serious trouble. So you have the baby seat swing on impact so that the baby ends up basically in a forward-facing baby seat - feet-up, but that's a minor detail in a crash. It would need to not rotate unless a sufficient force were exerted, but that's easy to do. The mother wouldn't even know it was there, other than the new excuse to raise the prices on babyseats even further! Hopefully my blog counts as some sort of patent.....

Thought #3 - Entrepreneur's Corner

Who wants to use this idea to open a money-making sports bar????? This sports bar doesn't sell chicken wings though. No, my sports bar focuses on PIZZA! Here's the deal - have you noticed how many stinkin' "flavors" of spaghetti sauce there are in the grocery store? Tomato-based sauces are extremely versatile, and that versatility needs to be leveraged......My pizza sports bar has about 20 different sauce flavors, just like the chicken wing sauces. These sauces can give you radically different tasting pizza, just like the chicken wing sauces. You can also use these sauces as options for all the stuff everyone likes to dip in marinara sauce - breadsticks, cheesesticks, garlic bread, fried mozzarella, etc. Everyone likes pizza. This imaginary sports bar is a combination of the foofy 'gournet pizza' places, and Buffalo Wild Wings. It's a can't-miss winner.

Thought #4 - Wendy's needs to fire their marketing dept.

This 'coffee toffee twisted frosty' business has got to stop. They sound delicious, and yet I already hate them due to the onslaught of horrible commercials.

Thought #5 - iPhone 3G S is coming!

And.......AND the iPhone 3g is going to be only $99 (with a contract)! Buy one. Buy two. You can't be disappointed - unless you have Verizon. Bummer....

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Nothin' Special Here

Before I begin to ramble, I feel compelled to provide just a little more context around the air conditioner story from last week. The only reason that really occurred was because I happened to be home (clay county 'home', not ohio 'home') during one of the first really warm few days of spring. If I had been in Ohio that weekend I would have certainly turned my A/C on, and mom and dad probably wouldn't have turned on theirs. They only turned it on because they love me so much......and because I inherited a lot of advanced bickering genes, which makes me prone to complaining about certain things more than I should....on to random events and thoughts (nothin' too good in here this week).

What do I have in common with Cal Ripkin, Jr.? We both had streaks! Today was the first sunday in May that I did NOT eat breakfast at Cracker Barrel. I did actually send out a text message yesterday looking for some interest from friends to keep the streak alive this morning, but there were no takers. It's probably a good thing, actually. I think if I eat at Cracker Barrel too many sundays in a row my nickname will certainly not be 'The Iron Man', like Cal Ripken. People would probably call me 'Fat Ass', or something to that effect. (The 'affect' / 'effect' grammar rule is the ONE rule I always question myself on. I should just quit using the words. I should also quit using prepositions at the end of sentences, but instead I just blatantly disobey this rule.)

We can now end sentences with prepositions. That 'rule' was merely a myth, according to the internet (which is always accurate).
**********BACK TO THE BLOG********

I played in a sand volleyball tournament yesterday. There's really not much else to say about this. It was men's doubles. I played with a guy I work with. (that was liberating to end in 'with' without feeling guilty!) We didn't win. The top of my feet got sun-burned. Good times.

There is some serious tension in the 'Reserves of Beavercreek' today (that's where I live). I was walking back to my patio from a short run when I stumbled into a heated exchange between my bitter neighbor who lives above me and a girl throwing her garbage away in the dumpster. Rita (my bitter neighbor) was yelling at the girl for not closing the door on the dumpster. Apparently Rita previously put up a sign (that I never saw, is now long gone, and would have been summarily ignored even if she painted it on the door) to let everyone know how she feels about this particular subject. If you are wondering, she feels 'passionate'. Unfortunately, I walked right into the middle of this exchange and they both eventually turned to me, as though I had something to do with it. I said (with far too much disdain, I'm sure) "Let it go, Rita. It'll be OK.".

No, no it won't be OK. She assured me of this. I don't know what all she goes through while I'm at work all day, and she is here. She spent over 3 hours trying to kill all the flies and bugs that flew into her condo the other day. At this point I began to meditate and nod my head in agreement. I'm not sure what else she had on her mind, but 20 minutes later I was allowed back into my condo. (Somewhere in the middle of this the actual perpetrator must have managed to slip away. I'm not sure where she went.....) One thing I do recall her mentioning was "I thought you were a good guy", as though she was a girlfriend and I was breaking up with her. I think she also threatened to start letting her grandchildren run around and make more noise so that I can begin to understand how awful life truly is. She is a really unhappy person, and it's starting to take over the neighborhood. I didn't even know I had such a huge bug problem due to the somewhat nearby dumpster. But now I'm pretty pissed off about it myself. This is the personal side of the housing slump that most people don't see. If the housing market wasn't so shitty she would've already moved on to make other neighbors miserable. But for the time-being we are all stuck together, with far too many bugs that can magically crawl through screens, here in the wonderful sun-shiny neighborhood known as the Reserves of Beavercreek.

Would anyone like to buy my condo?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


We often hear the saying 'once every blue moon'. Well, what's that mean? I had to look it up. Though it isn't a standard unit of measurement and there isn't exactly a consensus on the definition, it basically means the 2nd full moon of a given calendar month. Basically it happens every other year (-ish). Why do I bring this up?

Because every THREE blue moons, my parents turn on their air conditioner before I do. Actually, 2009 is the first time this has ever happened, and I've REALLY been out of the house 6 years, so that's where my math is coming from. This may only be a big deal to Megan and I, because others may not realize that our parents generally only turn on the A/C when it's over 95 for three consecutive days. Their heat tolerance rivals that of the legendary rabbit-eared bandicoot. And I am nothing like a rabbit-eared bandicoot. See below.
Nothing like me

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Things are BUSY

I have been quite over-booked for about the last month. Work has been pretty intense, and last week several people officially hit that magical moment where small things suddenly lead to serious over-reactions and just general irritability. I think maybe 'frazzled' would be a good word to describe the scene. I'm generally pretty calm about it, or maybe I'm just an intense jerk all the time so no one can tell any difference. Either way, I could use some sort of de-compressing time in the near future. I did get all my class work done this week without the luxury of using much time this weekend (wedding #1 for the season). I will probably be attempting to pull that off again this weekend with Megan's big birthday coming up and all.

I'm not a wedding planner, nor an aspiring wedding planner, but I observed some key issues this weekend while sitting through one.

Special Considerations - WIND
  • Unity Candle - This just isn't going to work in the wind. I recommend cutting this stupid step out completely, but if someone feels strongly about the symbolism behind the mothers lighting a candle simultaneously, it's going to need to be within the safe confines of a banquet hall or some other building. The unity candle thing actually blew off the table saturday, and they had the people go through the motions to 'contemplate' the whole pretend process. It lost something with the lack of fire, in my opinion.
  • Mud - Maybe there needs to be a large tarp placed on the ground, or maybe they could hover some helicopters over the sight that morning or somethin', but mud is not welcome at weddings. I wasn't even wearing high heels, and it greatly annoyed me.
  • Tee boxes in close proximity - "Dearly beloved, we gather here today........*PING*..........."Derek, do you take....*PING*.....Kayley to be your wife? *PING*. This can be distracting.
  • Crappy preacher guy - This actually has nothing to do with the outdoor / wind issue, but was disheartening all the same. I learned two things from this guy. The first thing I learned is that I can't get into heaven because I'm not married. This is disappointing to say the least. (He gave a power-writing speech, identifying 3 things that the couple need to focus on -1. I need you. 2. I need to understand you. 3. I need you to get in to heaven.) I am still investigating these legalities, and need to know more about this policy. But in the meantime, Kacy (my other single friend) and I have agreed that if there is some sort of card that we get to let someone else in that we will use our cards on one another. If anyone knows about this policy, I think it's a little late for me to hear about it now. Why did no one else tell me?????? The other thing I learned from preacher guy is that it is NOT FUNNY to make jokes about marriage. Single people can talk about 'the old ball and chain' or losing freedom, but that just makes us look petty. This leads in well to my last wedding-related thought.....
  • There is a serious market void out there that needs to be filled. Where are the humorous wedding cards? I never see them. I want a card with depressing stats about marriage on the inside, or some comment about "everybody needs a starter" or somethin' like that. Maybe someone can make a card with the shocking mother daughter picture combinations where the girl looks AMAZING at 21 and SCARY at 35, and then a note on the inside that says "I hope you did your homework....". That's funny. I would definitely give that card to my friends.
  • Micro-brewery note - If anyone reading this is a beer snob, I recently ran across one of the best beers I've ever had. It is from Goose Island Brewery, and it is called 'Pere Jacques' (like the song, I think). Buy it. You will thank me.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Lacking for Good Blogging Material

I have trouble coming up with good stuff to say on here because I don't talk about work at all. And since I'm really dragging, I'm just gonna try this whole '8 things' excitement originally brought into my blogging world by cousin goes.

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1.) Paying off the loan on my truck (hopefully in June!)
2.) Finishing my master's degree (hopefully in December!)
3.) Reading books I actually pick out on my own, once I finish #2
4.) Going home next weekend, and possibly seeing a few long lost friends while I'm there
5.) A vacation. I don't even care where I go, as long as it isn't my desk.
6.) Less responsibility AND more pay. Strangely, that is probably going to happen soon. I wander why I feel like I need a vacation right now.....
7.) Soccer going extinct :-)
8.) Self-cleaning bathrooms. That's gotta be coming soon.

8 Things I Did Yesterday (I'm expanding this to 'the last couple of days'):

1.) Caught a foul ball at a Dayton Dragons game
2.) Ate dinner with people from 5 different continents
3.) Wrote a paper on Lewin's stages for implementing change
4.) Picked up a handgun that was lying on the floor
5.) Told my friend not to drink her 5th 'sex on the beach' in an hour (she should have listened. It ended poorly for her.)
6.) Watched the fireworks following the Reds defeat of the Cardinals
7.) Formally withdrew my name from 2 softball teams this summer in order to concentrate more on my master's classes
8.) Ate at Moe's, the most amazing southwestern grill restaurant less than a mile from my place.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1) See my abs?
2) Jump-serve
3) Live in non-midwest climate while being close to the family
4) Stop my fingernails and toenails from growing
5) Freeze time
6) Retire?
7) Think of two more reasonable things I wish I could do
8) Eliminate discussions and requirements for wishes

8 Shows I Watch:

1) Pardon the Interruption
2) Baseball Tonight
3) 24
4) SportsCenter
5) The Daily Show
6) The Universe
7) Survirorman
8) The Dog Whisperer

8 People I Want to Tag:

1) Landon
2) Albert Pujols
3) Milli
4) Vanilli
5) Jack Bauer
6) Edward Cayce
7) Stephen Hawking
8) Scarlett Johannson

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Would you like some free money? Yes, please!

There's a long story about this, but it's just as boring as it is long. In summary, I bought new tires last summer that had an incentive to 'get $500 in free gas'. The company running this incentive was cheating (shocking, I know), and got shut down in the midst of legal actions against them. I got a piece of mail that now should provide me with $100 (no strings attached, unlike the 'free gas' shenanigan-plan). A nice little unexpected bonus....

I plan to buy our June Cardinals tickets tomorrow night. An email with all the details is forthcoming.

Did everyone see the movie 'Lucky Number Slevin'? I bought this one as my first blu-ray movie, and it is an underrated flick. It's a little dark, but it's one of my favorites. Think 'The Usual Suspects' - this one is very similar.

This is hardly a full blog, but I've seriously been swamped and this coming week is going to be at least as busy. More useless blogging sometime in the near future.

If I had more time, I'd mention more of the details of the US Navy publishing supposed findings of 'cold fusion' (aka 'low energy nuclear reaction'). Google it.